Which Office Assistant are you?

The only legitimate personality test to determine which type of intelligent UI you are!

Complete this quiz and very soon, you may finally know.

But first things first: what's your name?

I'm

Personality Test: Part 1

All you have to do now is fill in this form as sincerely as possible!

I'll meet you again at the end to give you your results!

Good luck!

What's your working environment like?

I live on my couch and my physiotherapist is suing me.

It's a cozy place dedicated to X-files memorabilia.

I do not work and am afraid to ask where my salary comes from.

40 chairs in a dark room.

What's your most common dysfunction?

I reset my password each time instead of memorizing it.

I break forks.

I burst into tears each time someone mentions the Model-View-ViewModel pattern.

I wear air pods.

Personality Test: Part 2

What's your absolute favorite directory structure?

FHS. What are we, pigs?

I'm all about Acyclic Graph Directory <333

Give me plain single-level and I'll be satisfied.

Just pretend I know what that shit is, OK?

Your home just caught fire but you have a dentist's appointment.

That doesn't sound like a question.

You can always make a new home but you only have one dentist.

I'm under the dentist's responsibility right now so they'd better do something, I dunno.

Wait, what?

What's your personal opinion on Microsoft BOB?

It's the only good thing Microsoft ever did.

I got fired after installing it on my coworkers' devices.

There's an encrypted version of it on Windows XP's install disk.

Please bring it back.

Are you a robot?

Now as a pure formality before you can retrieve your results, could you answer this simple question? This way we can know for sure that you're not actually an Office Assistant.

Please allow me to give you a personal tip: whenever I'm feeling lost, I like to touch ground.

Anyway, there's only one correct answer, so you should choose wisely.

Who was the first human/Office Assistant hybrid?

The Personality Test Is Under Attack!

Sorry for the inconvenience, but Office Assistants are currently trying to infiltrate this page.

I need you to find these basterds and tell me exactly how many of them are coming.

Take your time, it's not actually part of the test! It's just, you know, I can't do it. I'm a computer window.

You can take notes here if needed:

Just A Regular Window

OK, this one is stupidly simple.

You won't believe it but most Office Assistants get stuck here hahah.

Actually, if you fall for it, we're not talking anymore.

Congratulations!

I'm glad you made it!

At this point I feel that we're getting a pretty sharp understanding of your Office Assistant personality.

You're close!!

Playtime

Now, as a treat you can do whatever you like with these toys while we're preparing the final steps...

I want you to take your time, alright?

Have a little fun. You earned it.

How much fun am I having?

"It's hard to tell ..."

Actual Window

Oh shit, you did it! Right here, that's the next step.

I was a little mad but you keep surprising me. Now I can't wait to show you those results.

$^'m$-è^'èm_^$

Dude, didn't I tell you to take your time? This place isn't ready yet...

I was preparing something special here but it's ruined now.

Look at all this garbage. The button doesn't even work... How are we gonna get moving?

é'(&'(é(-

^ù$p:-_è

Z(è'ack Pi(za_ççzz--

Are you a robot?

Shoot! Forgot to remove this step! We were supposed to replace it with the more sophisticated version you saw earlier.

Well, that shouldn't be a problem. There's no way you could nail it once and then fuck it up, right?

Who was the first human/Office Assistant hybrid?

COMPATIBILITY ISSUE

Compatibility issue 041059:

CAN'T OPEN NEXT PART WITHOUT 'Windows Picture and Fax Viewer' INSTALLED.

We're getting close!

The time has come for your final ordeal.

Answer this trick question and I will proudly reveal to you the results of your legitimate personality test.

What's the secret treasure?

The friends we made along the way.

Knowing oneself at last and being able to feel true love.

A cool gif of a 3D flying bee (that's the correct answer).

When you beat the game in god mode with only backflips and the joke weapon, you can access a tiny room with the developers' pseudonyms written on the wall.

Which Office Assistant are you?

secret_treasure.gif

distasteful_relic.gif

call_for_help.gif

looks just like that stop-motion movie, except it was like, a plum or something? i dunno

official_reward.gif

Incorrect!!!

Oh come on, pal!

You're the one we're trying to help, here!

What kind of sorcery is this?

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Earl

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